


Endurance Training

by Butterballs



Series: First Times [10]
Category: The Hobbit RPF
Genre: M/M, good god there's a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 03:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterballs/pseuds/Butterballs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aidan hopes he and Dean can go the distance in life post-Hobbit. (Alternatively, 'I've run out of first times so this is the first time we hear from Aidan.')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endurance Training

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! (And happy birthday Dean! Sorry for all the porn we write about you. :P) I was kind of running out of first times to write about and wanted to wrap up this series at a nice round 10 chapters so decided to do Aidan’s side of the story – or parts of it, anyway. I’m a bit nervous about this part because it lacks the usual humour and sex, but, well the guys had some issues to sort out so bear with me. I hope you like it nonetheless. (Cameo from my very first OTP in here, too! Does it necessarily make sense? No. Did I want to put it in anyway? Yes. :P)
> 
> On a more serious (and totally unrelated) note, I’m genuinely saddened to hear of Paul Walker’s death. The Fast and the Furious is my ‘other’ fandom so I’m honestly a little upset by the news. May God rest his soul.
> 
> Finally, to everybody who ever read this series, who left comments or kudos or generally cheered me on: THANK YOU. You are the reason I'm here.

Aidan can recall the first text he ever sent to Dean with absolute clarity. He still has it stored in his phone. This was long before their first date – their first kiss, even.

  


_Text Message_  
4:51 PM  
 _Hahahaha don’t look but Martin’s fly is down._

  


He sent it to Dean as Peter addressed them with instructions that were probably very important. Aidan put on his serious face and pressed send without looking. He then made the mistake of catching Dean’s eye and they both fell to the ground laughing. The exasperated looks and ‘Christ these fuckers are so immature’ comments they received from the rest of the cast were worth it. That night, Dean ended up in his trailer drinking with him. That night it all changed and the rest, as they say, is history. 

Aidan will never forget his first impression of Dean as they’re introduced midway through dwarf boot camp and shortly after Rob’s departure. Which, if he’s honest, he’s not all that upset about. Rob is nice, he’s a good actor, but they just don’t click the way he hoped a pair of actors playing brothers would. Then he meets Dean and his thoughts take a detour from brotherly to decidedly inappropriate.

He’s done some cursory Google-stalking of Dean upon finding out the name of Rob’s replacement, discovering that, aside from being a very attractive man, he is an artist and photographer, among other things. He’s also kissed other guys. On film, that is, but the fact that Dean clearly isn’t averse to kissing another bloke (even on camera for money) lights a tiny, odd spark of hope in Aidan’s chest that he isn’t able to extinguish no matter how much he stamps on it. He studies those films especially closely.

Aidan isn’t gay, see. He isn’t entirely straight either. He just _is_. He hasn’t been with a man before and isn’t even sure if he wants to be at some other point in the future, but with Dean, well…the man burrows inside his brain and won’t leave. God, it’s irritating. Naturally Dean is anything _but_ irritating. He’s an easy-going ray of sunshine whom everybody loves instantly. He has beautiful blue eyes and these infernal dimples and a knack for making Aidan feel just a little bit sad when they part company for the night. No wedding ring, either. Aidan checked.

When he finally grows the balls to admit to himself that he might have feelings for this man, he sidles up to Martin and asks coyly, ‘So, does Dean have a girlfriend?’

Martin arches an eyebrow in exactly the way Aidan predicted. ‘No, not that any of us are aware of.’ He pauses. ‘No boyfriend, either.’

Kissing Dean is possibly the scariest, dumbest thing he’s ever done in his life. He invites himself over, liquors them both up, and asks what it’s like kissing a man. It sounds like the beginning of a romance novel. A bad one. Maybe Mills & Boon.

Dean is, quite rightly, perplexed. In Aidan’s head the scenario plays out with Dean offering to show him (definitely Mills & Boon). In reality, Dean is twitchy and keeps topping up his miniscule amount of coke with a whole lot of scotch. Aidan _had_ thought briefly of asking Dean out like a normal person would do, but, well…Aidan did nothing by halves. Nothing ventured, et cetera. It’s both an asset and a liability of his. It means he ploughs headfirst into everything and gives no fucks. 

Fortunately, Dean gets over himself and kisses him right back.

Aidan doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy or that someone has ever been this _easy_ for him. Dean is on the more highly-strung side than Aidan – he flips right the fuck out when he finds out that has Aidan shared their happy news with his parents, and there are a few dreadful days where Aidan isn’t sure if they’ll make it through. That said, Dean is also remarkably relaxed for someone who professes complete ignorance about homosexual relationships. He doesn’t mention it when Aidan, after fretting about it for two nights, places a toothbrush beside his in the bathroom. He gushes madly over Aidan’s first gift to him (a nondescript blue shirt than Dean nevertheless wears until it positively falls apart). When Aidan’s parents drop by he has the foresight to stop by a convenience store and fill the fridge with food to make it look as if somebody is actually living there. 

It’s at the New York premiere of _An Unexpected Journey_ that Aidan is forced to admit to himself that he and Dean need to have a very serious conversation about their future, and that if he wants that conversation to occur he’s probably going to have to initiate it. Some of the _Rings_ cast members have been invited; among them, Viggo Mortensen, whom Aidan is a huge fan of and makes a point of speaking to. They chat amicably about the movie-making process and Aidan’s family and his plans for the holidays when, during a break in the conversation, Viggo says quietly, ‘You two make a wonderful couple, you know.’

Aidan’s heart somersaults in his chest. ‘Sorry?’

‘You and Fili. Dean.’

 _Shit._ Who told him? Not that Aidan doesn’t trust Viggo – he’d probably understand – but nobody outside the immediate cast and crew is supposed to be telling anyone. They’re _all_ under a gag order, effectively. He’s not the only one with a job and a reputation on the line.

Viggo pats Aidan’s shoulder as if sensing his panic (like it’s not written all over his face already). ‘Nobody told me. I can just tell.’ He gives Aidan a wry smile. ‘Also, you’ve barely taken your eyes off him the whole night.’

Aidan drops his gaze immediately. Goddammit. He’s supposed to be an actor, for fuck’s sake. ‘I didn’t realise I was being so obvious.’

‘Have they told you to keep it a secret?’ Viggo asks. Aidan looks up in surprise. He nods, intrigued as to where this is going.

Viggo sighs. ‘I figured. We were asked the same thing. Stay quiet for the sake of the movie, and for our own privacy, although I think it was more of the former than the latter.’

‘Who’s that?’

‘Orlando,’ Viggo says. Aidan’s mouth drops open. 

‘What happened?’ he can’t help asking. He watches Orlando knock back a shot, laughing at something James has said. Dean stands with them, lifting his drink to his lips without actually consuming any of it, the way he always does when he’s nervous or distracted.

Viggo shrugs. ‘Fame. Women. Time apart. We tried, we really did, but we only made it a couple of months past the _Return of the King_ premiere. We drifted apart, we broke up, he eventually met his wife and, well, here we are today. I can’t even honestly say we’ve remained close.’ Aidan supposes Viggo meant to sound matter-of-fact but instead it sounds desperately sad. It sounds like warning.

‘It’s been really hard for us so far,’ Aidan admits. ‘Going from together all the time, to nothing, and back to living in each other’s’ pockets again. I still don’t know how we’re gonna make it work once all this is well and truly over.’

‘Have you talked about it?’

‘Not in great detail,’ Aidan replies, taking another sip of his drink. He knows they’ve both been avoiding the conversation because it is, quite frankly, terrifying. ‘I just – you know, I keep hoping that loving each other is enough. What else can there be?’

‘Endurance,’ Viggo tells him seriously. ‘You and Dean need to have that discussion. Soon. I loved Orlando too but we still couldn’t make it work, Aidan. I sure hope the two of you can.’

***

Aidan doesn’t sleep that night, nerves, booze and adrenaline moving through him in one toxic combination. He picks up a cigarette and has it in his mouth for a full five minutes before realising it’s not lit.

The way he sees it he and Dean have three options:

One, they can break up. Option one doesn't bear thinking about. 

Two, they can out their coupledom, which, while not technically a contractual breach, will no doubt immensely piss off the producers and limit their career opportunities. Even worse, Peter will be monumentally disappointed in them. Worse _still_ , there will never be a quiet, private moment in their relationship again, likely resulting in option one. Option two is as bad as option one.

Three, he and Dean can try the long-distance thing. It won't be permanent, of course. They have two more movies to go, there will be re-shooting midway through next year and all the PR thereafter. Maybe one day they can eventually settle down. But option three involves a lot more lonely nights, Skyping, secrecy and worst of all, missing Dean so much he feels like he'll break open. Option three involves a level of trust that he isn't yet sure if either he or Dean are capable of. The months they weren’t together between the end of their 18 months in New Zealand and the subsequent re-shoots were filled with tense jealousy and midnight phone calls. It had been so much harder than Aidan anticipated. It was a test he was totally unprepared for and one he’s not sure he passed.

But above all, option three means that Dean will still be his. 

***

He supposes it’s like ripping off a band-aid, get it out of the way quick and it might only hurt for a second. But Dean clumsily enters the room in the wee hours of the morning with the key Aidan had subtly slipped him earlier in the night, throws his jacket over a lampshade and all but kisses the life from Aidan as he unfastens Aidan’s trousers and drops to his knees. Aidan is physically unable to refuse when Dean begs (rather, demands) in a voice croaky with smoke that Aidan fuck him until he can’t see.

Later, when they’re both spent and showered and curled up in a giant nest of blankets, Aidan asks Dean a question he has somehow never got around to in the duration of their relationship. ‘What was your first impression of me, Dean?’

‘I thought you were gorgeous,’ Dean says without hesitating. He grins at Aidan crookedly. ‘I’m not just saying that because I’m a bit pissed. I really did. I thought you were gorgeous and I knew you were different. It was new to me. It was scary.’

‘I totally Googled you before we met,’ Aidan admits. ‘I wanted to know what I was in for.’

‘And did you?’

‘No,’ he whispers, running a hand through Dean’s hair. Dean sits up abruptly, his eyes suddenly remarkably clear.

‘What’s up, Aidan? You only start talking like this when there’s a problem.’

Aidan sits up. He shouldn’t be surprised, really – Dean isn’t good at this sort of thing. His way of asking Aidan to be his boyfriend consisted of blurting stilted questions at him as Aidan stood in his doorway with a pizza burning a hole in his hand. He was introduced to Dean’s family at a moment’s notice. Their relationship was revealed (in a manner of speaking – of course they already knew) to their co-stars because Aidan gave him no choice. This conversation about their future could hardly be any different.

‘Do you think we can do the long-distance thing?’ he says, looking resolutely at the floor and trying to keep his voice level. ‘I mean. Long-term.’

Dean’s face tightens with fear. ‘Christ, are you breaking up with me?’

‘No!’ Aidan exclaims, grabbing Dean’s shoulders. ‘No. Fuck, no. But eventually we’re not going to have a choice, Dean, and it’s going to be really fuckin’ hard. Harder than it already is. I need to know if you’re…up for that. I mean, it’s not what you signed up for.’

‘I didn’t sign up for anything,’ Dean murmurs. ‘Except you. I _know_ it’s gonna be hard, Aidan. It already has been. But – and I swear I will punch you if you laugh – it’s worth it you’re the one I’m waiting for.’

Aidan knew if he didn’t laugh he was likely to burst into tears, so he laughed. Dean promptly punched his arm hard enough to bruise, looking wounded.

‘Fuck you, dude! I’m baring my heart here.’

‘I know,’ Aidan says, wiping away a tear he hopes will pass as mirth. ‘I’m sorry. I love you, you know that. I feel the same way. I’m just trying to think of a way to say it that isn’t so –‘

‘Gay?’ Dean puts in. Aidan shoves him backwards onto the bed and sits on his pelvis.

‘Yeah. Pretty much.’ Aidan bites his tongue. Fuck this shit, he will _not_ cry.

Dean squints at him. ‘Jesus, are you –‘

‘Drink!’ Aidan yells, rolling off Dean onto the floor. ‘Drink, now. We’re celebrating before this conversation becomes any more depressing.’

‘What are we celebrating?’ Dean asks as he rummages around in the minibar, dumping a miniature bottle of vodka into his glass and one of scotch into Aidan’s. He gestures with his head at the offering. ‘Lousy hotel crap. Sorry, but it’ll have to do.’

‘Our endurance. I’ll punch you if you laugh.’ 

Dean’s eyes are warm, his dimples well-pronounced as he passes the scotch over. His left hand squeezes Aidan’s as he raises his glass. ‘Are we toasting to endurance, then?’  
Aidan grins. ‘No.’ He clinks their tumblers together. ‘We’re toasting to first impressions.’  



End file.
